i keep coming back here because it is always the same and it is always mine. trying to figure out now if that is what happiness is for me, sameness and mineness.

last night was a reading by mimi schwartz and the first attempt-at-sex-gone-awry between us. it was settling, the balance of what is and isn't.

must remember to do the things i must do. why is that stuff so hard? the most important stuff. i need to write it down for myself, and then tape it onto my arms, and then remember to wear short sleeves.